A
few weeks ago we had a bit of a flood in the backyard. I investigated and found
that a drain was overflowing. Taking my normal approach to these matters I
ignored it thinking it would right itself. That’s my general philosophy with
things, see also broken shower, rotten skirting board and damp hallway.
A
couple of days passed and the yard was becoming increasingly covered in water
which may or may not have been effluent. In good faith I couldn’t let the
children keep walking through it any longer so having researched a solution on
the internet I approached the problem head on and poked the drain with a big
stick that was knocking about the yard. No shit it didn’t work.
You
may glean from this that I’m not very good at DIY. Some may say I’m a DIY
fuckwit but that’s slightly harsh. I can do the basics like wire a plug or
change a bulb. I even, on rare occasions, do flat pack furniture, although
Mrs.L retreats a safe distance taking the girls with her. It’s like a UN No Fly
Zone as I go through my full repertoire of swear words even being known to
create new ones depending on the size of the job in hand, I could make Chubby
Brown blush.
The
obvious solution to my blocked drain was a course of action that I have taken on
many an occasion, get a man in.
The
man in question is my father in law, a genius on many levels. The word is
banded around liberally but I’d say he’s probably the cleverest man I’ve ever
met. He’s a retired GP, Bee Keeper & Steam Train enthusiast. We have
absolutely fuck all in common but for some reason get on well. He can turn his
hand to anything and explain how to do everything, apart from Sport that is, he’s
absolutely useless and clueless at and on that subject.
It
also dispels the myth that girls marry a man in the image of their own father.
He outdoes me on height, build, brainpower and he’s a Southerner. So unless we
share some physical trait in the trouser department we are in no way alike and
that is something no amount of money could make me explore.
It
should be noted that he has tried to get me to do my own DIY. There have been
gentle pushes over the years, one Christmas they bought me a full tool kit and beginners
guide. I was hoping for a telescope after dropping hints all bloody year.
Pissed off does not begin to explain my mood that day. I still can’t identify
half the things in the bag and every time I look skyward it is with a tinge of sadness
that I can’t see Uranus that little bit clearer.
So
you may be asking why my FIL would come round to end up elbows deep in two
weeks worth of backed up family shit in the drain?
It’s
my cooking. He loves it, mainly my puddings and especially Bakewell Tart. He
asks for it all the time, so as he stood there fishing out God only knows what,
I thought it only fair that I make him one by way of a thank you. Plus it’s
always cheaper to bake for someone rather than get ripped off by a random
plumber and in my book that’s a bonus.
Over
the years I’ve tried many variants on a Bakewell recipe for him and recently
settled on this one, it’s a combo of a couple of the Hairy Bikers recipes using
the pastry from one and filling from another.
Pastry Ingredients
350g
Plain flour
½
tsp Salt
200g
Unsalted Butter
100g
Caster Sugar
50g
Ground Almonds
1
Whole Egg
2
Egg Yolks
Filling
200g
Softened Butter
250g
Ground Almonds
200g
Caster Sugar
65g
Self Raising Flour
4
Medium Eggs
150g
Raspberry Jam
125g
Fresh Raspberries
You
also need a 25cm flan dish or loose based tart tin
Method
For
the pastry it’s totally up to you. Make this recipe, buy a pre made sheet or
block of sweet short crust even buy a pre made case and make your own filling.
I
enjoy making pastry so that’s the one I usually go for, it does involve blind
baking which I despise but you can’t have everything.
Put
all the ingredients into a food processor minus the eggs and blitz to a
breadcrumb consistency.
Add
the eggs one at a time down the funnel and process to make a smooth dough.
This
needs to chill in the fridge for at least 30 minutes wrapped in cling film. I tend to lay a big piece on the worktop and
pour the pastry onto it form it into a ball on there then wrap it and bung it
into the fridge.
Heat
the oven to 200c
When
the pastry has chilled you need to roll it out, a tip I use is to lay out a
sheet or 2 of greaseproof paper flour it and roll out on that. It saves
recreating the closing scene from Scarface with a mountain of flour all over
the worktop.
Roll
out to about the width of a pound coin, lay it carefully into your tin and
press it down gently into the sides and bottom, using a small piece of the
excess to do so is a good way.
Trim
off the excess prick the base with a fork, put a piece of baking paper over the
top and fill with baking beans. (Or any other pulse that will weigh the pastry
down and stop it from rising.)
Bake
for 15 minutes, remove the paper and beans carefully, don’t burn yourself like
I do.
If
the pastry looks a little raw return it to the oven for a few minutes to dry
out.
Turn
the oven down to 180c
For
the filling put everything apart from the jam and raspberries into the
processor (which you’ve cleaned) and process to a smooth batter.
To Assemble
Once
the pastry has cooled spread the jam over the base and then spoon the batter
over that.
You
then dot the raspberries over the surface, this again is personnel preference,
put them in or don’t.
Most
Bakewell recipes call for flaked almonds, I hate them they remind me of
toenails so they go nowhere near my food.
Bake
in the oven for about 40 minutes, the top should be golden brown and have risen
and should be firm to touch. If the tart looks like it’s browning (a polite way
of saying burning to a crisp) put some foil over the top.
You
can serve this warm or cold with whatever takes your fancy but if that fancy isn’t
custard frankly you’re odd and please never read my blog again.
Enjoy.
A
As
a footnote my drains are now fine. The FIL enjoyed his Bakewell although did
comment it needed more jam, at which point the MIL told him to make his bloody
own.
