Family, Drains & Bakewell Tart

A few weeks ago we had a bit of a flood in the backyard. I investigated and found that a drain was overflowing. Taking my normal approach to these matters I ignored it thinking it would right itself. That’s my general philosophy with things, see also broken shower, rotten skirting board and damp hallway.

A couple of days passed and the yard was becoming increasingly covered in water which may or may not have been effluent. In good faith I couldn’t let the children keep walking through it any longer so having researched a solution on the internet I approached the problem head on and poked the drain with a big stick that was knocking about the yard. No shit it didn’t work.

You may glean from this that I’m not very good at DIY. Some may say I’m a DIY fuckwit but that’s slightly harsh. I can do the basics like wire a plug or change a bulb. I even, on rare occasions, do flat pack furniture, although Mrs.L retreats a safe distance taking the girls with her. It’s like a UN No Fly Zone as I go through my full repertoire of swear words even being known to create new ones depending on the size of the job in hand, I could make Chubby Brown blush.

The obvious solution to my blocked drain was a course of action that I have taken on many an occasion, get a man in.

The man in question is my father in law, a genius on many levels. The word is banded around liberally but I’d say he’s probably the cleverest man I’ve ever met. He’s a retired GP, Bee Keeper & Steam Train enthusiast. We have absolutely fuck all in common but for some reason get on well. He can turn his hand to anything and explain how to do everything, apart from Sport that is, he’s absolutely useless and clueless at and on that subject.

It also dispels the myth that girls marry a man in the image of their own father. He outdoes me on height, build, brainpower and he’s a Southerner. So unless we share some physical trait in the trouser department we are in no way alike and that is something no amount of money could make me explore.

It should be noted that he has tried to get me to do my own DIY. There have been gentle pushes over the years, one Christmas they bought me a full tool kit and beginners guide. I was hoping for a telescope after dropping hints all bloody year. Pissed off does not begin to explain my mood that day. I still can’t identify half the things in the bag and every time I look skyward it is with a tinge of sadness that I can’t see Uranus that little bit clearer.

So you may be asking why my FIL would come round to end up elbows deep in two weeks worth of backed up family shit in the drain?

It’s my cooking. He loves it, mainly my puddings and especially Bakewell Tart. He asks for it all the time, so as he stood there fishing out God only knows what, I thought it only fair that I make him one by way of a thank you. Plus it’s always cheaper to bake for someone rather than get ripped off by a random plumber and in my book that’s a bonus.

Over the years I’ve tried many variants on a Bakewell recipe for him and recently settled on this one, it’s a combo of a couple of the Hairy Bikers recipes using the pastry from one and filling from another.

Pastry Ingredients

350g Plain flour

½ tsp Salt

200g Unsalted Butter

100g Caster Sugar

50g Ground Almonds

1 Whole Egg

2 Egg Yolks

Filling

200g Softened Butter

250g Ground Almonds

200g Caster Sugar

65g Self Raising Flour

4 Medium Eggs

150g Raspberry Jam

125g Fresh Raspberries

You also need a 25cm flan dish or loose based tart tin

Method

For the pastry it’s totally up to you. Make this recipe, buy a pre made sheet or block of sweet short crust even buy a pre made case and make your own filling.

I enjoy making pastry so that’s the one I usually go for, it does involve blind baking which I despise but you can’t have everything.

Put all the ingredients into a food processor minus the eggs and blitz to a breadcrumb consistency.

Add the eggs one at a time down the funnel and process to make a smooth dough.

This needs to chill in the fridge for at least 30 minutes wrapped in cling film.  I tend to lay a big piece on the worktop and pour the pastry onto it form it into a ball on there then wrap it and bung it into the fridge.

Heat the oven to 200c

When the pastry has chilled you need to roll it out, a tip I use is to lay out a sheet or 2 of greaseproof paper flour it and roll out on that. It saves recreating the closing scene from Scarface with a mountain of flour all over the worktop.

Roll out to about the width of a pound coin, lay it carefully into your tin and press it down gently into the sides and bottom, using a small piece of the excess to do so is a good way.

Trim off the excess prick the base with a fork, put a piece of baking paper over the top and fill with baking beans. (Or any other pulse that will weigh the pastry down and stop it from rising.)

Bake for 15 minutes, remove the paper and beans carefully, don’t burn yourself like I do.

If the pastry looks a little raw return it to the oven for a few minutes to dry out.

Turn the oven down to 180c

For the filling put everything apart from the jam and raspberries into the processor (which you’ve cleaned) and process to a smooth batter.

To Assemble

Once the pastry has cooled spread the jam over the base and then spoon the batter over that.

You then dot the raspberries over the surface, this again is personnel preference, put them in or don’t.

Most Bakewell recipes call for flaked almonds, I hate them they remind me of toenails so they go nowhere near my food.

Bake in the oven for about 40 minutes, the top should be golden brown and have risen and should be firm to touch. If the tart looks like it’s browning (a polite way of saying burning to a crisp) put some foil over the top.

You can serve this warm or cold with whatever takes your fancy but if that fancy isn’t custard frankly you’re odd and please never read my blog again.

Enjoy.

A

As a footnote my drains are now fine. The FIL enjoyed his Bakewell although did comment it needed more jam, at which point the MIL told him to make his bloody own.